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10 Fun Activities for Children with Autism

Craft activities are fun for everyone, but for children on the autism spectrum, the opportunity to explore color, shape, and sensory experiences can stimulate attention, foster calm, and create loads of fun! Here are 10 activities that teachers and parents love to do with their special needs children.

1. Create a Shredded Flower Bouquet.

Who knew shredded paper could be so beautiful? This creative activity involves ripping and shredding paper to create a colorful composition that makes for a great gift or decoration. Kids with special needs will especially love the sensory experience of handling paper and manipulating colors and shapes! Go

2. Underwater I Spy Alphabet Bottle.

Sparkly, glittery water is sure to attract curious eyes! This alphabet bottle is fun to make and a great activity to keep your child engaged and focused. The craft helps kids recognize letters in a creative way while enjoying the beautiful shine and sparkle of floating sequins! Go

3. Paint with Ice.

Kids love to swirl the melting paint over paper, creating beautiful designs. They'll practice their color recognition and observation skills while observing paint go from a liquid state to a solid state, then back to liquid again!Go

4. Explore the Senses with a Sensory Table. A sensory table is a place designed for squishing, sifting, sorting, digging and pouring! Children will relish the opportunity to get messy, discover, and play freely with engaging their sense of touch, hearing sight. Go

5. Practice Paint Chip Storytelling. Telling a story is like painting a picture, using words instead of paint. In this imaginative activity, your child uses paint chips and words to tell a story! Alter the activity according to the level of your child, and you can spark his imagination and narrative abilities while having a colorful good time! Go

6. Play the Matching Halves Game.

This matching activity is a great way to introduce children to the concept of puzzles, and to satisfy many special needs kids who crave order and simplicity. Each craft stick will have only half a shape: find the stick with the missing half and place the sticks side by side to complete each one! Go

7. Sculpt Clay Snowflakes.

You don't have to brave the chill to enjoy the beauty of winter. Make sparkly snowflake sculptures and experience winter from the comfort and warmth of your home! Sculpting clay is a great way to boost fine motor skills, and kids with special needs will love the sensory experience of squishing, pulling and kneading as they work. Go

8. Set Up a Smelling Station.

With the help of some small containers, rubber bands, scraps of fabric and lots and lots of fragrant ingredients, your child can create a whole collection of smells to tease his nose. Smell is one of the five senses, and kids will love learning about what role it plays while exploring the breathing and relaxation associated with good scents. Go

9. Oobleck Science: Solid or Liquid?

Can something be solid and liquid at the same time? Experiment with this classic science activity that introduces kids to the mysteries of states of matter. Children will love the sensory experience of squeezing and splashing that comes with this gooey scientific investigation! Go

10. Make Number Rubbings.

Kids love using crayons for just about everything. Put this art streak to good use by introducing them to “rubbings.” They'll work the small muscles in their hands and improve eye-hand coordination. Plus, they'll experiment with different surfaces while practicing shapes and numbers. Go

By: Education.com

Explaining Variables and Terms Study Guide

Find practice problems and solutions for these concepts at Explaining Variables and Terms

Practice Problems.

The human mind has never invented a labor-saving machine equal to algebra. —Author Unknown

In this section, you'll learn the language of algebra, how to define variables and terms, and a short review of integers.

Math topics always seem to have scary sounding names: trigonometry, combinatorics, calculus, Euclidean plane geometry —and algebra. What is algebra? Algebra is the representation of quantities and relationships using symbols. More simply, algebra uses letters to hold the place of numbers. That does not sound so bad. Why do we use these letters? Why not just use numbers? Because in some situations, we do not always have all the numbers we need.

Let's say you have 2 apples and you buy 3 more. You now have 5 apples, and we can show that addition by writing the sentence 2 + 3 = 5. All of the values in the sentence are numbers, so it is easy to see how you went from 2 apples to 5 apples.

Now, let's say you have a beaker filled with 134 milliliters of water. After pouring more water into the beaker, you look closely and see that you now have 212 milliliters of water. How much water was added to the beaker? Before you perform any mathematical operation, that quantity of water is unknown.

Tip:

If we do not know the value of a quantity in a problem, that value is an unknown.

We can write a sentence to show what happened to the volume of water n the beaker even though we don't know how much water was added. A symbol can hold the place of the quantity of water that was added. Although we could use any symbol to represent this quantity, we usually use letters, and the most commonly used letter in algebra is x.

There is no clear reason why x came to be used most often to represent unknowns. René Descartes, a French mathematician, was one of the first to use x, y, and z to represent unknown quantities—back in 1637! While many have tried to determine why he used these letters, no one knows for certain.

The beaker had 134 milliliters of water in it when x milliliters were added to it. Read that sentence again. We describe the unknown quantity in the same way we would a real number. When a symbol, such as x, takes the place of a number, it is called a variable. We can perform the same operations on variables that we perform on real numbers. After x milliliters are added to the beaker, the beaker contains 212 milliliters. We can write this addition sentence as 134 + x = 212. Later in this book, we will learn how to solve for the value of x and other variables.

In the sentence 134 + x = 212, 134 and 212 are numbers and x is a variable. Because the variable x holds the place of a number, we can perform the same operations on it that we would perform on a number.

We can add 4 to the variable x by writing x + 4. We can subtract 4 from x by writing x – 4. Multiplication we show a little bit differently. Because the letter x looks like the multiplication symbol (×), we show multiplication by placing the number that multiplies the variable right next to the variable, with no space. To show 4 multiplied by x, we write 4x. There is no operation symbol between 4 and x, and that tells us to multiply 4 and x. Multiplication is sometimes shown by two adjacent sets of parentheses. Another way to show 4 multiplied by x is (4)(x).

Division is most often written as a fraction. x divided by 4 is . This could also be written as or x ÷4, but these notations are less common.
Algebra Vocabulary

A sentence, whether it contains variables or not, is made up of terms. A term is a variable, constant, or product of both, with or without exponents, and is usually separated from another term by addition, subtraction, or an equal sign. While a variable can have different values in different situations, a constant is a term that never changes value. Real numbers are constants. The sentence x + 4 = 5 contains 3 terms: x, 4, and 5.x is a variable, and 4 and 5 are constants.

The sentence 3x – 5 = 11 also contains 3 terms: 3x –5, and 11.3x is a single term, because 3 and x are multiplied, not added or subtracted. In the same way, – = 2 also has only three terms, because is a single term.

The numerical multiplier, or factor, of a term is called a coefficient. In the term 3x, 3 is the coefficient of x, because 3 multiplies x. In the term 9y, the coefficient of y is 9. In multiplication, the order in which one value multiplies another does not matter: 4×5and 5×4 both equal 20. The order in which 3 and x are multiplied does not matter, either, but we typically place the constant in front of the variable. The constant is considered the coefficient, and the variable is considered the base. Because the coefficient is one factor of the term, the base is the other factor. If a variable appears to have no coefficient, then it has a coefficient of 1: 1x = x.

Tip:

Division can be rewritten as multiplication. x divided by 5 is the same as x multiplied by The coefficient of x in the term is because can be written as

In algebra, the base of a term is often raised to an exponent. An exponent is a constant or variable that tells you how many times a base must be multiplied by itself. Exponents are small numbers (superscripts) that appear above and to the right of a base. The term x2 is equal to x multiplied by x. The term y6 means (y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y). If a variable appears to have no exponent, then it has an exponent of 1: x1 = x.

Like and Unlike Terms

If two terms have the same base raised to the same exponent, then the two terms are called like terms. For instance, 2a2 and –6a2 are like terms, because both have a base of a with an exponent of 2. Even though the terms have different coefficients, they are still like terms. If two terms have different bases, or identical bases raised to different exponents, then the two terms are unlike terms. 7m and 7n are unlike because they have different bases. 7m4 and 7m5 are also unlike terms. Even though they have the same base, the exponents of the bases are different. In the next lesson, we will see why recognizing terms as like or unlike is so important.

By: LearningExpress Editors - LearningExpress, LLC - Education.com

Parenting Solutions: Growing Up Too Fast

The Problem

Red Flags

Wears or wants attire or gadgets unsuitable for age, hangs around kids or engages in activities inappropriate for internal timetable, is growing up faster than makes good sense or is safe developmentally.

The Change to Parent For

Your child chooses and engages in activities that are developmentally appropriate and emotionally and cognitively suitable for her internal timetable.

Why Change?

One thing's for sure, it certainly is a different world than the one we grew up in, and our kids' lives are on a fast track. It's almost as though they are living in an X-rated world, bombarded by sexually explicit movies, clothing touting "adult-only" messages, sexually charged pop music, mature-rated video games, and provocative, "way before their years" fashions—when they've barely made it out of the G-rating age group. What's more, not only do our kids idolize those age-advanced lifestyles and products, but corporations, manufacturers, and retail stores are developing and marketing products aimed to encourage them to do so.

The problem is that adopting that fast-forward world could also affect our children's well-being. First, it "decompresses" their childhood, so they miss out on activities, rituals, and games that are essential to normal development; second, it exposes them to serious issues that they can't fully comprehend, let alone handle. That's why child experts, the medical profession, and parents alike are concerned that the relentless exposure to adult-type subject matter is so harmful and wrong. A recent Parents magazine poll found that almost 80 percent of moms and dads worry that their kids are growing up too fast and are exposed to "too much and way too soon."74 In a Newsweek poll, 77 percent of adults feel that those oversexed, underdressed celebrities like Britney, Paris, and Lindsay have too much influence on girls and are pushing them to copy a far too advanced lifestyle way too early.75

Although we parents can't put blinders on our kids or change that outside racy world, we sure can put the brakes on what comes into our kids' lives. Here are solutions to help your child develop at a pace geared more appropriately to her chronological age so she won't grow up too fast and can experience those glorious days of childhood that every kids needs and deserves.

Pay Attention to This!

Monitor Your Child's Media Consumption

Our kids are bombarded with sexual imagery and confusing lessons from TV, movies, music lyrics, and newsstand magazines. In fact, each year our kids are exposed to more than fourteen thousand sexual references, innuendoes, and jokes on television alone.76 Seventy-seven percent of prime-time shows on major broadcast networks include sexual material and provocatively attired actors,77 and 10 percent of TV characters who engage in sexual intercourse are teens.78 Research now proves that those sexualized media images do affect our children's childhoods and are pushing them to grow up too fast, too soon.

* In surveys, over a quarter of adolescents admit that televised sexual content affects their behavior and pushes them to act older and grow up faster.79
* The American Academy of Pediatrics found that repeated exposure to sexual content in television, movies, and music increases the likelihood that kids will become sexually active at earlier ages.80
* The American Psychological Association concluded that proliferation of sexualized images of young women in advertising, merchandising, and media is harmful to girls' self-image and their healthy development and increases the likelihood of eating disorders and depression.81

The lesson: know what media your kids are reading, listening to, and watching, and set clear limits.

The Solution

Seven Strategies for Change

1. Stay tuned to what's happening around us. Take a careful look at a few TV programs that your child's peers watch. Catch the latest reality TV show; flip on MTV and notice those grinding dance numbers and provocative outfits. Listen to the latest pop lyrics. Flip through CosmoGirl, Teen Vogue, or Teen People and peruse the mall a little more closely to check out the latest tween fashions. Doing so will help you recognize the pressures today's kids are under and help you decide what limits you want to set for your child. It's unrealistic to say no to everything, so where will you draw the line? Be clear about where you stand so that you can clarify your reasons to your child.

2. Take a crash course in child development. You might have devoured those baby books, but don't overlook learning about your child's current stage of development. Review a few respected sources so you can understand what is age appropriate for your kid. Recommendations include The Preschool Years, by Ellen Galinsky; The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12, by the American Academy of Pediatrics; or, for tweens, The Roller-Coaster Years, by Charlene C. Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese. Ask your health care professional for developmental milestone charts for your child's age. Talk to experts—such as teachers, pediatricians, and yes, even grandparents—who usually understand normal childhood development. Your commitment to slowing the accelerated pace of your kid's childhood will be reinforced by understanding how destructive a fast-forward world is to your child's emotional and social development.

3. Let your kid be a kid. According to a University of Michigan study on how kids ages three to twelve spend their time, over the past twenty years there has been a drop of twelve hours a week of free time overall, with unstructured activities like walking or camping falling by 50 percent—while high-pressure structured sports went up by 50 percent.82 Take a serious look at your child's schedule and scan her list of daily activities. Is there any time left for those cherished childhood traditions like play, make-believe, forts, unscheduled time, and sand castles? Don't buy into that modern-day American parenting myth that "push-push-push" is "better-better-better" for your child. There is no proven scientific support of the consumer-driven nonsense that parents should accelerate their kids' performance (from kicking a soccer ball to reading).83 So what's the rush? Make sure that your child has time just to be a kid.

4. Insist on developmentally appropriate material. Let's face it, the culture is pushing our kids to grow up faster, and they do act older than their actual age. Puberty is starting earlier and kids do look more mature. But "looking and acting" like a grown-up doesn't mean your child is developmentally ready to handle that fast-forward world. Here are actions to take:

* Set your rules and expectations based on your child's actual chronological age.
* Tailor your decisions to what is developmentally appropriate to your child's current emotional, cognitive, and physical stage. (Check child development guides.)
* Lay down certain "rites of passage" or ages your child can go to her first sleepover, use the Internet alone, obtain a cell phone, see a PG movie, shave her legs, wear makeup, or pierce her ears so that she has something to look forward to.
* Utilize the suggested age guidelines for games, toys, sports equipment, and books.
* Use the age rating system for video games, movies, CDs, and television shows. Recognize that panels of credentialed child development experts spend hours reviewing each product before providing posted guidelines.
* Lead your child toward age-appropriate hobbies and interests. Think swimming, horseback riding, theatre, soccer, knitting, band, scouting, 4-H, and church groups that focus on healthy outlets that are developmentally suitable.

5. Forbid the "sexy look." These days, fashions aimed at kids are outright provocative and clearly push the limits of age appropriateness. Makeup. Short skirts. Halter tops. Press-on nails. Lip gloss. Thong underwear. See-through blouses. "Comehither look" attire clearly is selling sexualization and luring our kids into a far too early and unhealthy focus on appearance with an R-rated twist. Pick your battles when it comes to fashion, go ahead and allow choices, and don't worry so much about "style," but hold a clear line when it comes to fashion with a sexualized look. Regardless of the onset of puberty, your nine-year-old is still nine. Set your standards to your children's chronological age, not their physical appearance. (See also Clothes and Appearance, p. 350.)

6. Start those "grown-up talks" earlier. Let's face it: kids nowadays are exposed to more grown-up issues at far younger ages. Studies show that drinking, sexual promiscuity, oral sex, depression, eating disorders, stress, peer pressure, puberty, and even acne are all hitting our kids three to four years earlier than when we were growing up. So don't deny your child's fast-forward culture and wait to discuss those "grown-up" subjects you had planned for the teen years. Even if you're not talking about these tougher issues, believe me your child's friends most likely are. Be the one who provides accurate facts that are laced with your moral beliefs and values. Also make sure that your child's doctor is someone your child feels comfortable speaking to. Beware: puberty is striking kids at younger ages, and your child does needs to feel comfortable speaking to someone—if not you—about menstruation or wet dreams.

7. Stay connected. The closer your relationship with your child, the better able she will be to navigate that sometimes raunchy, racy culture; find alternatives to those sexual messages; and realize it's okay to be a kid. That's because your child will seek your guidance and use you as a filter. And you do make a difference: a 2007 MTV/Associated Press poll found that the majority of young people listed their parents as their heroes.85 Find more time for your child to connect with you, her grandparents, and relatives, who can help keep her centered, preserve some ounce of her childhood, and value her for who she really is and not how popular or sexy she looks. Above all, stay connected! A thirteen-year-old typically spends half the amount of time with her parents that she did when she was ten.86

What To Expect By Stages and Ages

Preschooler Kids at this age are most likely to wear what their parents suggest and choose for them. You will see "sexy" clothing aimed at the preschooler set. Watch out for gender-demeaning slogans, such as "Born to Shop," "Little Princess," and "Professional Drama Queen"; though seemingly harmless, these messages can begin a self-fulfilling prophecy; they can stick, especially as others comment about them. ("You're a little beauty queen, eh?") Attraction to particular clothing labels begins, based on what kids' friends like or what is advertised on their favorite television show. Fashions and accessories worn by kids' favorite Barbie or Bratz dolls also begin to influence attitudes.

School Age Six- and seven-year-olds are still more influenced by parents than are kids in the tween years, so use your influence. Marketers start to push "pre-makeup," such as glitters, lip glosses, manicures, and spa-like kits. The elementary school set is now the fastest-growing market for digital media players; 31 percent of kids ages six to ten have some form of music player.87 Puberty signs may begin in girls as young as seven or eight, including pubic or underarm hair and acne.

Tween Marketers of electronics, fashion, accessories, and makeup (among other things) start intense marketing campaigns aimed at tweens. Tweens feel physically and emotionally awkward at the onset of their puberty.
Late-Breaking News

Puberty Is Hitting Kids Earlier

American Academy of Pediatrics: Over a decade ago, Marcia Herman-Giddens,84 a pediatrician and now professor at the University of North Carolina School of Public Health, noticed that many young girls in grades 1 to 5 were showing pubic hair and breast development. In her words, "It seemed like there were too many too young," and she launched a major national study involving 225 clinicians and over seventeen thousand girls to prove her hypothesis. As she reported in her famous paper, published in Pediatrics, she found that our kids are definitely and absolutely growing up faster.

The average age of the onset of menstruation is four years earlier than currently used norms and 15 percent of seven-years-olds and almost half of eight-year-olds are now developing breasts or pubic hair. Comprehensive data are still not in for boys, but studies show that they are reaching their adult heights at younger ages, suggesting that they too are maturing earlier.

By: Michele Borba, Ed.D. - John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Education.com

Mother/Daughter Relationships

Mother’s Day is a perfect time to talk about that special relationship between mothers and daughters. Why do women feel so different about their mothers than they do about other family members?

Besides sharing the same gender, they usually share the same social roles of wife, daughter, sister and mother. This relationship is so important that a 1991 study of 403 women found that the quality of a woman’s relationship with her mother is linked to her overall sense of well-being and her level of psychological distress. Obviously, no matter what our age, our mothers are a tremendous influence in our lives.

How does a good mother-daughter relationship begin?

Most young girls start out idolizing their mothers. She identifies with her mother, sees her as a role model. She may believes that Mom has a solution to everything. On the other hand, mothers should give daughters opportunities to hone their own decision-making skills, to teach them that they have responsibilities and control over their own lives. Mothers should also encourage other female role models, so the daughter does not come to depend on mother for everything

What about that relationship that teenage daughters and their mothers seem to have? Is it inevitable?

It’s probable, if not inevitable. But it’s perfectly normal. This is the age of separation, for both boys and girls, which is necessary to establish her own identity. Teenage girls need psychological distance, and mothers should respect that. If mother & daughter were close before, they will be close again after this stage.

After a woman is grown and has her own family, the mother/daughter relationship changes. How does it stay healthy?

Often, mother & daughter reconnect after the daughter’s first baby is born. Both mother and daughter need to honor the adult relationship: daughter is no longer a child that needs supervising and mother is no longer the source of all the problem-solving. And when mom gets older and needs daughter to care for her, they both need to accept that the roles have reversed, and that’s OK. That’s life!

By: Heartland Family Service - Education.com

Schools for Troubled Children!

There's no such noble profession than being parents. Whatever you see in your child as he they grown up is the product of what you taught them and how you brought them up. A lot of people say that being a parents is not an easy job. It takes a lifetime to prove that you are in a fufilled parents knowing that your upbringing to your children is the most excellent one.

But sad to say that even if you've done your part and you do your best to provide all the thing what your children needs still you cannot avoid the fact that there comes a time that as your child grow up specifically when they reach teenagers were several confusions on their minds came up they tend to committ risky situations that will somehow put them in danger.

We cannot deny the very fact that there are several families out there who suffered from toubled childrens. The very reason why residential treatment program exist. Specifically, in western countries toubled children is rampant in their society. We don't exactly know as to what's going on and how to manipuate them to the extent that they even committed suicide. Sad to think about that but the fact shows family has the biggest factor as to why do children acts like they don't care in anything.

Furthermore, the main purpose of schools for troubled girls is basically to help those families who do have a family member who suffers from social crisis where the main involve is womens. This residential treatment program will help them realize that life in general is a constant change. This program is basically created to help those children recover from their dark past and eventually live to a brighter future. Aside from that, they'll be guided properly by stages for them to fully recover and accept the mere fact that its part of growing up.

Stages of Parenthood

Parenting is a process by which parents and children grow and develop, each influencing the other throughout their lives. Parents move through a series of six stages from pregnancy, when they prepare for parenthood and the birth of their child, to the time when their child leaves home to enter the adult world (Galinsky, 1981). Parents assess their success as a parent during each of these stages.

Expectations for their child's behavior and development are measured against the child's actual behavior and development; a parent's self-image may shift as he or she moves through the different stages of parenthood. This information is based on Galinsky's interviews with over 200 couples (Galinsky, 1981). For better or for worse, being a parent changes an individual forever.

Galinsky's Six Parental Stages

Parents with more than one child can be in more than one stage at the same time. Adoptive parents and stepparents become parents after the first stage.

Image-making stage: Pregnancy

Parents prepare for changes in themselves, for new relationships with each other, and the responsibilities of this new life. Many questions are discussed. What will our baby need in terms of equipment, supplies, and space? How will our current schedule and general lifestyle be altered to support our baby's growth and development? Will we have any time for ourselves? How would we cope if our baby has cholic or serious health problems?

Nurturing stage: Birth to 18-24 Months or Autonomy

The major task at this stage is forming bonds of attachment with the baby. Parents attempt to meet the needs of the baby and balance this with other responsibilities involving spouse, jobs, and friends. Parents make decisions about child care. Do work schedules require child care or are work schedules flexible, allowing one of the working parents to be at home, or does one parent stay home full-time?

Authoritative stage: Two to four or five years

Parents nurture, guide, and discipline their child. Parents evaluate their effectiveness in establishing limits, communicating and enforcing rules, and allowing enough freedom for each child to grow and develop. Parents often restrict the child for his or her safety, but other times it may be for the safety of the parents' valued objects.

Interpretive Stage: Preschool Years through Adolescence

Parents teach their child about life and help him or her interpret the actions of others such as their teachers and peers. Parents are concerned with the increasing influences of peers and help their child to understand the consequences of his or her actions. When parents' expectations are different from the actual behavior of their child, they question the effectiveness of their parenting methods or themselves as parents.

Interdependent Stage: During adolescence

Parent-child relationships continue to evolve. Parents involve their teenager in more decisions. Ultimate responsibility still rests with the parent.This is a stressful time for the adolescent, who is searching for identity and independence from parents and for parents struggling to give up enough control to facilitate their teenager's move toward independence and still support and protect their child.

Departure Stage

Parents begin the process of evaluating their roles as a parent and a person as their child prepares to leave home. New relationships emerge between parent and child when the adult child leaves home. Parents need to redefine their own identities.

By: H. Sailor - Pearson Allyn Bacon Prentice Hall - Education.com

Guidelines for Great Family Huddles

1. Everyone gets a say.
2. Start by sharing the best thing that happened to you all week.
3. Meetings should be brief, with a brisk and businesslike pace.
4. Go over the week’s events with the family calendar on the table.
5. Take turns being the leader.
6. State problems without blaming, then brainstorm together.
7. Take five minutes to discuss big-picture questions, such as “Where should we go for summer vacation? Is it time to get a dog?”
8. End with a fun activity or dessert treat.
9. Keep next week’s agenda on the refrigerator so anyone can add to it.
10. Use questions that encourage discussion: “Why do you think it is important to...”, “How do you feel when...”, etc.
11. Think about key issues you want to discuss beforehand. Do research on topics such as drugs or sexuality, if necessary. Be prepared with written notes to make sure certain issues are covered and to keep the talk on track.
12. Use resource materials. Find a video, book or article that can be used during the huddle to facilitate the discussion and educate all.
13. Remind everyone of the family agreements, such as speaking respectfully, complimenting others, not interrupting others, not making fun of others’ ideas, no name-calling, etc.

By: Family ROI - Education.com

All About Fathers

Are fathers important to their children? At first glance the question seems to call for a simple affirmative response: of course they are! Yet this question, or rather a significantly different variant of it - are fathers essential to their children's well-being and psychological growth - is one of the most contested and politicized topics in psychology, family studies and mental heath today. In this issue of the NYU Child Study Center Letter, we address this and other questions, the answers to which may hold more practical importance to fathers, mothers and children. Essential or not, what role can fathers play in their children's lives? What interferes with or facilitates their involvement? And in families with two parents, what role does the quality of the marital rela- tionship (or its equivalent) play in the involvement of fathers with their children?

Are fathers essential or (just) important? Two views

The essentialist point of view A number of social scientists argue that fathers play an essential, irreplaceable role in the lives of their children and that this role is biologically based. Several social scientists,1,2 drawing heavily on ethology and evolutionary psychology, believe that research has established that males and females are different in a variety of ways that affect parenting. For instance, according to this point of view, because men are physically stronger, more aggressive and more inclined to take risks than women, they are essential as the main protectors of their families from physical threat. It is also argued that, across human history, men have been the key provi- ders of resources for their families, although these authors acknowledge the growing trend of dual-earner families and increasing income parity for wo- men and men.

The essential-father proponents quote research to support the assertion that the following functions are best per- formed by biological fathers married to mothers and living in the home:

Fathers are said to provide role models for their sons to learn how to be men; girls are said to need fathers in order to know how to relate to men.

Fathers are viewed as better able than mothers to constrain and correct boys headed towards violence and other anti-social behaviors.

Fathers are seen as better able to teach sons and daughters assertiveness and achievement orientation, and provide better formative experiences for daughters to develop the capacity for heterosexual intimacy, trust and even femininity.

Fathers are also said to play differently. They are more physical; they challenge and foster independence more than mothers, whose play is characterized as constrained by worries of potential danger. Young children are said to prefer their fathers' form of play.

In summary, proponents of the essential- father point of view see the parenting contributions of mothers and fathers as linked to their sex, with mothers generally emphasizing connection, safety, and care, and fathers emphasizing autonomy, action, risk-taking and following rules. It is further argued that heterosexual mar- riage is the most natural and propitious social arrangement within which children can reap the full benefits of their biological fathers' unique contributions. They be- lieve that single, never-married mothers (by choice or circumstance) divorced or wido- wed mothers, heterosexuals living together but not married, homosexual couples with children, other same-sex parenting dyads (such as mother-grandmother), and blended families (with one biological and one step-parent) are inferior versions of family and potentially destructive develop- mental contexts for children. In response to research which has shown that children with stepparents are more likely to experience emotional and behavioral problems than are children from intact families, the essential-father proponents conclude that stepfathers are ineffective because they can never form the bond that biological fathers experience with their children.

By: Peter Fraenkel, Ph.D. - NYU Child Study Center - Education.com

How to Discipline Children and Help Them Develop Self-Control

All children misbehave at some time; it's part of finding out what appropriate behavior is and where the limits are. Children may throw tantrums, test the rules, start fights, refuse to cooperate with family routines, use bad language—the list goes on. As parents teach children appropriate behavior, what the expected rules and boundaries are all about, it's important to remember the goals of discipline. Discipline means helping a child develop self control and a sense of limits, experience the consequences of his/her behavior, and learn from his/her mistakes. Discipline does not mean punishment or conflict between parent and child. All children need the security of knowing the rules and boundaries of behavior; without them they feel at a loss.

Real Life Stories

Alex, aged 2 ½, throws himself on the floor and screams when he wants cookies before eating his dinner. Should his mother let him have the cookies, ignore him, or distract him?

Eloise, aged 6, has learned some curse words and uses them in a loud voice to her father, when he won't buy the cereal she has seen advertised. Should he take her out of the store, wash her mouth with soap, or smile and pretend she didn't do anything wrong?

Naomi, aged 12, refuses to make her bed, stating that her room is her territory and it's her right to keep it the way she pleases. Should her parents agree with her, set up some rules, or take away her allowance?

Rafey, 17, wants to attend an all-night party after the high school prom. Should his parents permit him to go, refuse to let him go, discuss their concerns with him, make some arrangements for supervision?

Discipline: a developmental look

Flexibility is the key to discipline as children grow. Parents must be prepared to modify their discipline approach over time, using different strategies as their child develops greater independence and capacity for self regulation and responsibility.

The foundations for discipline are laid down in the early years. During the first year of life, as parents establish a trusting relationship with their baby, they set the climate for parent/child interactions through the years. Sometime between the ages of 1 and 2, the individual previously thought of as a baby suddenly bursts onto the scene as a full-fledged person with very specific wants and needs. As toddlers begin to move around they test their independence, and they need to be helped to understand what is safe, what they can and cannot do. Focused with their own needs, toddlers are not concerned with the interests of others. Since they do not yet understand the idea of consequences, a gentle but firm "no" is in order. With the explosion of new skills—talking, walking—toddlers may appear to understand the rules and can be reasoned with at times, but they are not yet really ready to control their actions. Preschoolers understand rules, and their behavior is guided by these rules and their increasing awareness of consequences of their behavior. As children reach school age, they understand the reasons for rules; the rules become internalized and are accompanied by an increasing sense of responsibility and self control. Most school age children are sensitive to the notion of fairness and justice and are able to weigh the needs of others as they make decisions. During adolescence, the individuals become responsible for their own behavior. Establishing self control is a process which develops slowly, and the ultimate goal of discipline is to help children build their own self-control, not to have them merely obey adult commands.

What parents can do

If you want considerate, cooperative, and flexible children, you should be their model.

Think about your style of discipline

Parents discipline their children in various ways. Researchers have identified the three most common parenting styles: authoritarian/strict, authoritative/moderate and permissive.

* An authoritarian, or extremely strict, parent controls a child's behavior and attitude by stressing obedience to authority and discouraging discussion. Extremely strict parents often rely on punishment.

* An authoritative, or moderate, parent sets limits and relies on natural and logical consequences for children to learn from making their own mistakes. The parent explains why rules are important and why they must be followed. Authoritative parents reason with their children and consider the children's point of view even though they might not agree with them. They are firm, with kindness, warmth and love. They set high standards and encourage their children to be independent.

* A permissive, or indulgent, parent exerts minimal control. Children are allowed to set their own rules and schedules and activities. Permissive parents do not demand the high levels of behavior as authoritarian and authoritative parents.

How do children raised by these types of parents grow up? Follow-up studies show that the moderate way, between extreme permissiveness and extreme strictness, is the most effective of the three styles. Children raised by authoritative/moderate parents tended to have a good self concept and to be responsible, cooperative, self-reliant and intellectually curious. Children raised by authoritarian/strict parents tended to be timid and withdrawn, less intellectually curious and dependent on the voice of authority. Children raised by permissive parents tended to be immature, reluctant to accept responsibility or to show independence.
Following are some helpful discipline techniques:

Use language to help solve problems

Establish fair, simple rules and state them clearly. When children acquire language, help them use words, rather than actions, to express how they feel. Similarly, when you are disciplining your child, tell her that you understand what she's feeling. After the preschool years, a child is able and interested in understanding behavior. For example, a 7-year-old may hit her younger brother when he grabs her toy. In the child's world, it's difficult to have a younger sibling messing with your stuff. So, accompany the discipline with a statement that tells her you know how annoying it can be to have someone getting in your way, but she is not allowed to hit. Help her practice identifying and saying what she feels before she acts. You might pose situations such as "How can you tell Amanda that you don't like it when doesn't let you have a turn?" You might also suggest some other situations and encourage to child to generate some possible solutions to the situation.

Ignoring

For some infractions, the simple act of ignoring the behavior will make it disappear. Some children misbehave as a way of getting attention, and parents may unwittingly encourage the behavior they are trying to stop. By repeatedly telling your child to stop blowing bubbles into his milk or to stop playing with her food, you may be really calling attention to the behavior, turning it into an event. Ignore it and attend to something else and then focus attention on the child when she does the right thing. The point is: recognize and attend to behavior you want to encourage rather than behavior you don't want to encourage.

Rewards

Positive reinforcement is the best technique for encouraging wanted behavior. Most children crave attention and acceptance from their parents and will work to get it. Rewards are not bribes; they are ways to show a child that she is doing a good job. The reward should be tailored to the age and tastes of the child as well as to the resources of the parent. Verbal praise can be effective. Although stickers are often used to encourage new or improved behavior, don't underestimate the value of time. A special trip to the playground or an extra story at bedtime is often all it takes to motivate the child to do a better job.

Natural consequences

Parents always have the option of using natural consequences to drive home a point. Natural consequences help children learn to take responsibility for their actions and help parents realize that the long term gain will be worth the short term discomfort. For example, the l0-year-old who forgot to bring home her social studies book and is unprepared for a quiz may want you to write a note that she was sick. Refusing to do this teaches the child to plan better next time and not to expect that her parents will lie to bail her out.

No more no – keep it positive

Both parents and children get tired of hearing 'no' all the time. Too many no's lose their meaning and don't help a child learn what will get her a 'yes.' Positive statements teach children what is appropriate. It is not enough to tell a child what not to do; you should also teach a better alternative. If your five-year-old is happily and busily coloring with crayon on the wall, it's more effective to give him paper, perhaps in different sizes and shapes in a box just for art supplies, and say something like 'walls are not meant for drawing, but paper is perfect. And when you use paper you can draw as many pictures as you want, and I can save them.' Parents should develop a radar system to pick up the good behavior rather than just the bad. Catch children when they are sharing, helping other children, dealing well with frustration, and compliment them immediately. Try a one-day experiment and you'll be surprised at all the good behavior you'll find.

Don't dictate: negotiate

Negotiation does not mean that that parents or children get their way. Negotiation, when done with sensitivity, makes everyone feel part of the solution to a problem. Even young children like to feel they have a choice rather than that they are being forced into something. Think carefully about the choices you offer before starting the negotiations. Insisting that your child take his bad-tasting medicine can set the stage for conflict. However, giving him the choice of taking the medicine with a juice pack or a milkshake encourages cooperation. But proceed with caution and choose your words carefully. Give the child a choice only when he truly has one. Don't ask a 4-year-old if she wants to go to the doctor if a doctor visit is necessary. But do ask her to choose what snack to take or what to wear.

Pick your battles

Some issues just aren't worth the hassle. Discipline doesn't mean that parents always win. You may feel as if you're giving in, but there are times when you should decide if what your child is carrying on about is worth the fuss. Obviously, destroying a toy on purpose is more serious and requires a direct response when compared to prolonging play time in the bathtub. Parents should prioritize and decide what's important. For example, parents can be more strict about honesty that about cleaning up a room. It's reasonable to set a curfew for a 15-year-old, but it's probably not worth fighting about what clothes she wears as long as they fit your rules of decency.

Prevention

With time, parents get to know their child's trouble spots, and then prevention is in order. For example, if every time you go to the supermarket your 4-year-old begs you to buy her various items, devise a plan before you go. You might give her an empty box of an item you want to buy and have her help you hunt for it. Perhaps you can also tell her you will stop at the library, or plan some other treat, if she helps you. Preparing children in advance for a change from one activity or environment to another helps them manage the transition.

Dealing with unacceptable behavior – Despite all the advice and good intentions, children and parents will still have meltdowns. Keeping blowups in perspective, preparing for them, and having some strategies for dealing with them will help everyone manage crises.A basic principle to remember: parents should separate out the child and the action. It is essential to remind a child that it is the behavior that is disliked, but the child is still loved.

* Be clear, firm and specific about what you mean.
* Be respectful. Don't resort to name-calling or yelling.
* The consequence should follow the behavior immediately. The consequence should be fair in relation to the behavior.
* Time out

When it works it really works! Time out is time honored for good reason. Time out teaches the child that for every action there is a reaction. Specifically, time out achieves two important objectives: it immediately stops unwanted behavior and it gives the child (and parent) a necessary cooling off period. The general rule of thumb is to start time out immediately after the incident or behavior and have a designated spot for the time out. The number of minutes the child is in time out should be generally equivalent to his age; thus the 5-year-old is in time out for five minutes. Some children may need to be held during the time out to stay, and physically feel, in control, and some children may be too scared about being alone to benefit from this technique.

What doesn't work

Studies confirm that children who are treated aggressively physically will grow up to be aggressive. Thus the potential for the cycle of abuse to repeat itself through the generations is increased. Another main reason that spanking is not an effective form of discipline is that it can backfire. Imagine this: A 7-year-old hits a 4-year-old. A parent rushes in and hits the offender. What did the children learn from this scenario? They learned that it's okay to hit when they're mad, exactly the opposite of what the parent intended to teach. Children are masters of imitation and look to their parents as models. What's the effect of hitting? The children learn to hit, just like the mom and dad.

When to seek help

Check things out with a professional if your child is doing dangerous or risky things that you can't stop, if he's overly aggressive with others, or is disrespectful of people or property. Parents should also seek consultation if there are changes in behavior or if there are physical signs, such as headaches, or poor eating/sleeping. Any medical or psychological causes for unacceptable behavior should be identified and addressed as soon as possible.

Could Your Child Use a Mentor?

All children need an adult to help with homework, listen when they have a problem, and push them to be their best. If you're overwhelmed by the stresses of life and parenting or just think your child needs another caring adult to help foster successful habits, a formal relationship with an adult mentor might be the answer.

According to MENTOR: National Mentoring Partnership, about 3 million American kids between the ages of 6 and 18 have adult mentors in their communities. Another 15 million children want and need one, MENTOR says. "Every child benefits from added adult interaction," says Sandra LaFleur, senior director of youth outcomes at Big Brothers Big Sisters, which matches more than 270,000 children in a dozen countries with mentors. But how do you know if a mentor is right for your child?

What is a mentor?

Each program is different, but in general mentors are paired up with children for a long-term relationship. Kids meet with their mentors on a regular basis. Mentors go to the kids' school functions, go out to eat, help with homework or just hang out. This might sound simple, but MENTOR spokeswoman Ellen Christman says this bond with an adult helps children stay in school and away from gangs and drugs.

While mentors are advocates for the kids they work with, their job isn't to replace a child's parents or fix problems in a family. "We’re just an extra pair of hands here to help," LaFleur says. In fact, parents have the equally important job of taking an active role in the partnership. This means communicating with a child's mentor, talking your child about his mentor and working with the mentor to arrange activities. "The willingness to work with us is the No. 1 thing," LaFleur says. "Parental involvement is crucial. Without that, it won't last."

Children come to mentoring programs in different ways. Covenant to Care for Children, based in Bloomfield, Connecticut, serves low-income kids who are referred by religious groups, social workers or counselors. Many of these children are at risk of ending up homeless or in prison, and often live with a single parent or a grandparent. Most of the kids that Big Brothers Big Sisters matches with mentors have single parents, come from low-income families or have parents in prison. While most children in the program are disadvantaged in some way, LaFleur says that could mean a child is doing poorly in school or has parents who are busy caring for older relatives. "It doesn't necessarily mean that they live in the poorest neighborhood or have a parent that's incarcerated," she says. Every child could benefit from a mentor.

How Mentors Help

Research has found that children with adult mentors do better in school and act more responsibly. According to MENTOR, when compared to their peers these kids are 52% less likely to skip a day of school, 46% less likely to use illegal drugs, and 27% less likely to drink alcohol. Many parents seek the help of mentors because they want to expose their children to more opportunities. "All of them (parents), regardless of the situation, want things better for their kids," LaFleur says.

Mentors can show kids the importance of doing well in school, take them to concerts or museums, expose them to things they may not have otherwise experienced. This relationship helps children see their own potential to be successful. A mentoring relationship could also open up opportunities for children to meet people who have jobs they may be interested in, allowing them to network and learn about what it takes to start on a certain career path. "You want to be a lawyer? Why? Because they are rich and have a fancy office," says Rich Davis, who coordinates the program at Covenant to Care for Children. "OK. Let's visit one and see what it takes."

Big Brothers Big Sisters has found that mentors also make the lives of parents easier. Parents' lives are less stressful when they can count on another trusted adult to take an active role in their children's growth and development. A mentor is an adult in a child's life - other than their parent - who is there to listen to kids share things they may not feel like talking to Mom and Dad about. "We can be seen as a reprieve, just by giving the busy mom a break," LaFleur says.

Finding a Mentor for Your Child

Mentoring programs exist in many communities. MENTOR's website features a searchable directory of programs in different states. They don't all meet the same standards, but Christman says each program requires mentors to go through a background check and commit to a long-term relationship with a child. Some parents learn about Big Brothers Big Sisters through social service agencies or their children's schools. But most kids find out about mentoring programs through word of mouth – or from kids whose friends take part in the program. "They hear about it, and they want one, so they tell their mom, their dad or their grandma," LaFleur says.

Finding a mentor for your child could produce immeasurable benefits. Mentors open up worlds of opportunities for kids, encouraging them to get a good education, make responsible decisions and have a successful life. "This is your kid's adult friend and coach and confidant," Davis says. Make your child a part of the process and keep them involved. Go online, talk to people in your community, find out if your school recommends any particular mentoring programs and get started.

By: Rebecca VanderMeulen - Education.com

What Can Families Do to Work Better With Schools?

All parents and family members want to help their young children succeed in school. By working together with schools and teachers, families can help their young children succeed. Below are some questions that family members can ask themselves to begin to meet teachers halfway:

* What is my relationship like with my young child's teacher or caregiver? To strengthen your relationship with your child's teacher, call to plan a meeting or to set a time to talk on the phone. Be sure to share what you expect your child to learn. Ask about your child's schoolwork and behavior in preschool or school.

* How do I find out what the school expects from me and share what I want for my child from the school? Families and teachers often come from different cultural backgrounds, which can make it hard to know what to expect from each other. Let your child's teacher know what you do at home to help your child learn and what you want your child to learn in school. Also ask what the teacher expects you to do in the school or with your child.

* How can I help my young child at home? You can ask your child's teacher for suggestions about learning activities that you and your child can do together at home.

* What can I tell my young child's teacher about my child? You are an expert about your child. Think about your child's interests, talents, and challenges. Share this information with your child's teacher so that the teacher can help your child learn.

* How can I be most helpful to the school or early childhood program? Let your child's teacher know what your interests and skills are, such as sewing, cooking, woodworking, or computers. Also let the teacher know when and where you are available to help. Ask about the kinds of help that are most needed.

* How can I help educate teachers? Think about how you can help teachers learn to work as partners and become better teachers. For example, you could form a committee to help new teachers learn about your community. You could also help change school policies and practices by joining the Parent Teacher Association.

By Holly Kreider - Harvard Family Research Project - Education.com

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